A Secret Haven
I have always been a person that’s the exact opposite of what we call “claustrophobic”. I really like small, dark places as they give me the feeling of aloneness, which is very important for an introvert person as yours truly. That’s why the backyard became my secret haven.
It’s not secret, obviously, but it kind of is. This place has a certain meaning for me but not for the other members for my family. Maybe they give an other meaning to it as well and the backyard becomes a heterotopia that can have multiple interpretations. Heterotopias, maybe. Plural.
Before I was born there was a small balcony in the backyard. My grandpa decided that it wasn’t very convenient so he converted it into a storage room. So basically it’s just walls now. However, in the back of what is now a storage room there are remains of a staircase. There is a spot on the wall that’s hollow and the stairs, or what remains of them, appear out of nowhere, leading nowhere.
Nowhere. That’s where my haven is, that’s where I feel at home. Anywhere. Everywhere. Nowhere.
A placeless place.
I usually sit on the out-of-nowhere-leading-nowhere what’s left of a staircase to read books or listen -of course- to music or play my guitar. Sometimes, when I feel frustrated I go there to escape reality(?), just as an afraid kitten that hides under the couch.
In this case, I usually go there to sit and calm myself down. I often find myself trying to focus on the sounds that surround me· the sound of bells and a few cars to my right, melodies of backyard ornaments to my left…
I’m coming to realize that I “own” the spot, I’m so familiar with it to that extend that I have “sound-mapped” the place. I can identify almost every surrounding sound and those I can’t, I try to figure them out.
I wonder if the others have ever thought of that place this way. If they thought of it, just for a minute, as something else rather than an inconvenient spot. If they listen to what’s going on back there, not only hear.
I never asked my grandpa why they put up walls but didn’t take the stairs down.
He never mentioned anything.